I picked up this book in Kenosha on my vacation, and it jibes well with Michael Neill's The Inside Out Revolution. This is not surprising as both describe the 3 Principles, which was conceived of and taught by Sydney Banks. But Slowing, written by Richard Carlson and Joseph Bailey, was originally published in 1997, long before the Web and podcasts made it easier to disseminate Banks' spiritual and psychological teaching. Carlson and Bailey focus on a rather narrow piece of the 3 Principles philosophy, without ever mentioning the principles by name, and citing Banks only once. Neill's book, by contrast, was published in 2013; he discusses all the principles and frequently cites Banks' words and teaching stories. That sounds like I'm sniffing at the book, and I don't mean to. Slowing Down to the Speed of Life is quite good at emphasizing a few key points and then reiterating them, ringing changes on them, showing how they can apply in many different areas of life. The section on Work and Office is terribly skimpy, though the chapter on Family Relationships is terrific. It's quite readable and I sped through it on the train to Chicago and in my spare moments.
Instead of writing an exhaustive and exhausting review, here are the key things that got my attention.
- It's not what you think, it's that you think. A lot of self-help books, methods, and training -- such as cognitive behavior therapy -- teach you to dispute the contents of your thinking and disprove them. However, what's most relevant is that your mind is kicking up a thoughtstorm of beliefs, feelings, expectations, etc. When an event happens, the feeling you experience is not about the event; rather, what you're experiencing is your feeling about the event. It's as true for internal moods as it is for any external event. When the water in a pond is agitated, you can't see to the bottom -- it's doesn't matter why it's agitated. When the water in the pond is still, it's easier to see to the bottom.
- We have two primary thinking modes: analytic and free-flowing. The analytic mode is our typical Western habit of thinking it through, figuring it out, and so on. It works great when the problem is well-defined and logistical. But it's a tool we use to solve most every problem we see (if we think that what we see is a problem -- it's all thought, remember). The free-flowing mode is the slower, deeper, not-much-on-your-mind thinking that is where you should stay as much as possible. This is where all of your good ideas come from when you're in the shower, while driving, etc. When you put things on the back burner, the free-flowing mode is where they're processed until you pull them out to examine them again in analytic mode. Know which mode you're in; you'll feel better in free-flowing mode. Trust it.
- Thinking=feelings. As Neill says often, we don't live in the feeling of the world, we live in the feeling of our thinking. If we're feeling anxious, we're thinking anxious thoughts. If we're feeling stressed, we're feeling stressed thoughts. Using analytical thinking to figure out why you're feeling crappy will only make you feel more crappy. You're stirring up an already agitated system. Realize that your feelings are like the weather -- wait a while, let your mind and thoughts calm down, and your feelings will also settle down. With those distracting feelings settled, your free-flowing thinking has a better chance of offering you a solution to your problem.
Key Action Steps
- There are no action steps except to stay in the moment, notice your thinking, and calm down. Isn't it frustrating to read a book only to find that there's really not much you can do? Neill's book avoids any prescriptive advice. Slowing provides a few bits of simple advice, but the message is consistent in both books: the key is in recognizing when you're caught up in a thoughtstorm. When you recognize that you're thinking, Carlson and Bailey repeatedly say, you'll almost instantly feel better; the storm will subside and your internal system will reset. I've not found that to be consistently true in my case. I can recognize that I'm in a low mood, I can know my thinking is causing it, but it will still take a week for the cloud to pass before I feel better.
- Practice gratitude. They don't mention this one, but it's one I use to interrupt my low moods. I used to write a daily gratitudes list and tried avoiding the easy ones like "my loving wife" and "I have a job." The lower the mood I'm in, sometimes the deeper I have to dig. It turns my attention outward and interrupts the thought spiral.
- Set aside time to just sit, with no input. Feel your breathing. Listen to what you can hear in your house, in your backyard, in the world. Feel where the weight of your body is pressing against the chair and the ground. This is like meditation, but maybe a little more natural. When I feel my thoughts about the past or the future, I know I'm not present in the moment. Calming down and being present in the moment can mean simply focusing on doing one thing at a time rather than multitasking. I'm trying to get out to the back porch more to just sit and look at the yard, the birds, the garden. I leave the iPod and Kindle inside and let my brain and mind relax from all the input I stream into it.I find this can extend time for me, and life slows down, in addition to my thinking.